The House of Idiot

She works hard for the money

Yesterday and day before yesterday I've been working, helping a friend. He's building a stone.. wall (?) or fence to his yard. Now those are some big rocks we've been carrying and lifting, turning and placing. The fence looks really nice and I was strangely proud of myself helping. Not that helping a friend is something you should celebrate, I mean it's sort of given when it comes to friends and friendship, but I was proud of myself for I didn't collapse while doing it. I'm not that strong, really. 

But what was strong was the alcohol I was offered. Another friend got a fun or "fun" booze roulette game. For some reason I won (or lost) the first 8 rounds ending up rather drunk. How I was ever allowed on a bike to go home is beyond me. I was in the same state as I was 2 years ago, trying for 30 minutes to undo my Doc Martens boots. Stella didn't allow me to go home on a bike. Anyway..

I chose to wear something appropriate for the occasion. First of all, trousers that are loose and sort of echo the hard, physical work. What else is there in that field besides Levi's denim, worn and torn, taking us back to the 19th century, rural America, cowboys and indians, moving rocks to find gold. And to enhance the all american feel (I'm really into America right now) I wore my old pair of crooked jeans with a sleeveless t-shirt.

While we were working we, obviously, listened to Michael Jackson and discussed his life, death and music. 

Now, I was never a huge fan of Michael. Actually I was, when Bad came out in 1987 I had to buy it. But as a huge huge Madonna fan I felt like I was cheating on her so I had to give the album to a friend of mine. I know I know, but I was 11 at the time and let's be honest, kids aren't really that smart. But as I said on May 22nd I'm still loving his look and style in the 80s. O so very inspirational. 

Just shortly..

After commenting Anna I was forced to do something about my blog.. 

I've always been sort of into shirts and sweaters with a print. As a youngster I (obviously) had a bunch of Madonna shirts. I wore them til the bitter end though I still have them all folded neatly. I get sort of irritated seeing Clash t-shirts (par example) at H&M, as well as Che Guevara paraded in front of my eyes on people who don't really strike me as devoted fans or even "with it" when it comes to knowing who Che was (not that I was any wiser in that case, hence not having his face on my chest). 

Now, as I said to Anna I can't really see myself wearing a t-shirt that's promoting a band I don't listen to or even like. Therefore MY t-shirt celebrates Nina Hagen. This shirt was bought on ebay few years back, and though I wasn't at any of the concerts listed on the back of the shirt and got it just to satisfy my thirst for a band t-shirt.

 

Another great thing are the fake designer things. My absolute fave being Chanel, what else. I found this t-shirt at UFF around (gosh..) 1991. It cost 5 marks, less than 1 € and is still with me. Not worn, but sometimes just admired and tried on. The scarf is from some flea market in Helsinki offering cheap thrills and cotton candy. 

My big thing is my linen kaftan. I love it. And have a strange yearning to wear wooden things with it. I'm very big on anything Jesus and sort of do see this rosary as the perfectly fitting, small detail adding to the hippieish feel (so sorry Stella, but trust you me, it's just a little affection, I'm not turning into one, god forbid) but also saw some rather nice wooden necklaces at Indiska today. But is that going too far? What if I try to balance things out with these sunglasses I got from Hilja Maria few years back. I love them, they're fab.

Not really related to anything, but this song has been playing in my head. 

Like, about fashion and summer

It was hot today, a very nice day. I had to work. But then again I'm totally and utterly broke so one needs to work. I cut my last credit cards today (not that they were working or anything, I still had them) and feel restless and annoyed with my chronic poverty. Hopefully someday it will be subsided with a decent income and a peaceful mind.

Somehow "You know me better" has slipped and I just now found it on the tube. What a marvellous track and fabulous video. All hail Róisín Murphy. She's all about fashion. In a good way. But then again can one be all about fashion in any other way? No, not really. And me about fashion? I realized I haven't said anything about fashion or my clothes or style in a decade. I think it's about bloody time. So, tomorrow morning, early, I shall come up with 5 interesting (?) fashion / my own wardrobe related topics and post them here. And then I shall talk to you all about God.

Oh and this one too.. I'm like so behind with everything. I thought about posting "So young" by Suede but let's not go too far back, let's stay in this moment (about) and look bravely into the future. 

Coming up with a plan

We're seriously thinking of buying the car we saw yesterday. It shall cost somewhere around 2500 - 3000 € to fix the interior and I'm guessing about the same price to get the old paint stripped, rust and shit removed and taken care of and to get it repainted. I'm at a haze and believe it's worth every penny. Or cent. I'm loving the idea. Ok, also a bit tipsy which might cloud my judgement. 

Anyway, it's all in the making, I'll keep you posted. 

The concept of "friendship" and "friends" has been buzzing my mind a lot lately. I'd like to share my thoughts on that with. Someday, not today. But I'll post a song that's fitting to my mood and feelings about friends and friendship. 

Well..

I didn't drive home last night with a brand new (dating back 26 years) car. The motor was in an excellent condition. Once started and the hydraulics had lifted the car she was just purring away.. it was heavenly. The color was light grey, silver, the lining inside was burgundy, and everything besides the drivers seat was original, hence in a very bad condition. The car was recently painted (few years back) but the surface was bit bubbly, somewhat cracked, and didn't really strike any of us as a convincing piece of excellence. However, the price was cheap though could have been cheaper, all needed really was some painting (expensive) and fixing the interior (also something you must be prepared to throw money into). Had it been slightly better, inside or outside, it most likely would have traveled home with us but right now with these conditions it was left to the odd and very suspicious yard. 

In a way I feel sorry for the vehicle. It's so beautiful and the motor was great and I have a strange feeling that if nobody want's to buy it it'll just rot away back there, until it reaches the point of no return. If I had some sort of a skill to do something with cars I'd do it. It seemed to be perfect for someone with either loads of money or loads of of talent and skills to fix it. And I keep wondering whether it could still be a challenge to deal with? Obviously it should be a lot cheaper considering it would need some handsome 2000 in euros to get all bright and refreshed. The problem is also the fact that nobody knows what's under the cracking silver paint. There might be rust (might being very optimistic) under the paint and it could create all kinds of new money holes (hole being the operative word here) and the actual price possibly mounting to be more than double the price the actual car costs. But then again.. then I'd have it, it could be my holy grail that I've craved for for so many years. So I don't know.. should the beauty be rescued from the hell hole it's living right now? But the seller didn't seem reliable on any standards and that's the biggest concern I'm having. 

My friend has a list of all the things to consider and check while shopping for a vintage Citroën and the things that REALLY matter are basically the technical parts. Now having those things under the belt it's just painting and lining and all that shit. I'm really confused right now. But not making any decisions yet. I'll see how long the car is for sale and if nobody wants to buy it then I'll dig my greedy little claws into it and make it my precious.

But it was wonderful to see it and get just a bit more experience about what kind of cars there are out there to be sold. The hunt continues.

The man with the golden gun

Is like by far my absolutely favourite Bond at the moment. And I've seen like 7 of them in the last fortnight. And that's all I've seen so far .

I actually really liked Timothy Dalton as 007 and Roger Moore is rather nice, after my original disliking. Now I'm ready to see Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig doing the same. I wasn't all that impressed with On Her Majesty's Secret Service, not the film or George Lazenby for that matter. But I've seen it and that's the end of that chapter.

And I see myself as the modern (and queer) 007, driving my groovy car, being way cool and totally rad. Though I wouldn't solve any crimes or mysteries, I'd just be.. you know, hip happening. And would replace Bollinger with Moët& Chandon (obviously). And martini with lemon drop. 

Be careful what you wish for..

I've had few dreams all my life. Some have become reality, some not, some forgotten, some still very much alive. Some just so out there I'm not even expecting them to happen.

One of the biggest I've had in the recent years is a dream of my own car. As I've repeatedly told you on so many occasions the only car worth wanting is Citroën DS 21 (though I could live with ID also, from 21 to 23). As I've also told over and over again is the shameful way we left the bright green one to Kemiö two summers ago. But now, as a beacon of hope we are travelling on Wednesday to a small village (I reckon..) to see a beauty from 1974, a Citroën DS 21. In a rather good condition, at least based on the pics and information we've gathered so far from the internet.

Now, needless to say that I don't have any money to actually buy it, I don't have a garage to keep it in nor money to pay for the insurance and/or gasoline but still.. It's been a dream of mine for the past 16 years and I'm thinking I should get it. I deserve it.

So if any of you happen to see a very happy dude driving this (type of) vehicle in silver, wave and say ta taa. It's only me driving it. 

Days just slipping away

For the past few days I've been working on patterns and clothes, again. I had a rather long pause, actually, after my school in Holland, not really doing anything. Now that I've started again I'm really loving it. I don't know exactly how where when what shall be my platform of choice when it comes to trying to make a living with this branch of creativity but I'm surprisingly calm about it. I visited the site of Antti Asplund few days ago and again I had an epiphany. I know this might sound silly but (and old..) he sort of reminds me of myself few years back, when I was more into things and excited about stuff. Then something happened to me. (That something being the job I had sucking every last piece of energy and inspiration from my body, mind and soul and at some point my physical condition.)

So, in short, I'm very excited again, about everything. And that is good.

Stella keeps posting songs and tracks I've never heard but love once I do hear them. Like this one. Very brilliant.

Tonight I want to go out. It's Thursday and the first Ydintalvipuutarha should take place at Aula but it's very grey and cold, so we shall see. If nothing else, I can just get few bottles of cheap sparkling and go to my friends place, he's always ready to have a drink (or 28). Tomorrow I'm having a day off. 

I really like white, sheer fabrics right now. They're so pretty. Not that useful but pretty.

Either a real delicacy

or I'm just hungry beyond comprehension BUT Royal Fikon jam by St. Dalfour combined with salty crackers by TUC and you're in heaven.

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Don't hold on to the past

Few nights ago (again) a man from my past was with me. He keeps coming back to me every now and then, in my dreams. There's never anything.. happening in the dreams. He treated me like shit back in the days. When ever he's in my dreams he's always very nice, friendly and even somehow apologetic. He actually hurt me more than I was willing to admit then. Which means I actually was more smitten than I allowed myself to acknowledge. Funny. He contacted me via Facebook about a year ago. I'm not saying I'd want him back, no, been there done that. But for some reason he's on my mind, somewhere deep down, only surfacing every couple of months. Why is that? I have a boyfriend, I'm happy with him, then what's the deal? I do believe that everyone has one of those skeletons in the closet. Someone who just won't slip away, without having an desire to re-light the fire (or even try). 

I went through my stuff. Boxes and boxes full of stuff, old magazines, posters, diaries, school assignments, postcards, letters, photos. I was supposed to sort of clean the storage room (actually a separate, small building instead of a room as such) but I couldn't throw anything away. I need more time and privacy to get it all sorted out. It's surprisingly tough, all my life is in those boxes and though I couldn't remember most (any) of the stuff I still.. seeing them brought back so many memories. Good and bad. Thank god my folks have a big house so I can just pack everything to their attic. 

I could never fit all of that to my flat. Nor would I want to. I actually do have a dream and a plan to have a simpler home, not so packed with.. crap. But somehow, as if by magic, I just keep getting this place quite full, too. I'd like to think that all these things are really valid and useful but let's be honest, they're far from it. 

When I was in the job interview a week ago they asked me of my studies and why I'd never applied to TAIK. I couldn't really answer them, for I don't know why I've never applied to TAIK. Then I was asked whether I regret it or not, not applying. I mean come on, what kind of a question is that? No, I don't regret it, I tend to (try not to) regret anything in my life. What would be the use of it? Yes, if I wanted to isolate myself to the island of self hatred, then sure regretting things and decisions would be a fabulous way to start packing, but I actually really like my life. Obviously so many things could be better but what can I do? Just water under the bridge. No biggie. And even the biggies of their time seem rather trivial now. I do remember being hurt and frustrated, angry and suffocating, but who isn't in their teens? 

Time flies. And according to an old wisdom time flies when you're having a good time. So I guess I've had a reasonably good run so far. Now all I need to do is make the rest of it as fab as possible. 

It's been 9 years since I applied and was accepted to my school in Helsinki. I feel like.. I don't know, like having a class reunion with my friends that I made there. 

I like my past. It's been a fun.

Well that's too much to ask.