We got rather close to the stage though we arrived relatively late. Madonna was fabulous, the show amazing. A friend commented after the show that I seemed to be drunk though I didn't really have any drinks during the concert. I was intoxicated with the sheer brilliance of the show. It was almost an religious experience, the closest to God I've ever been. And God was just few meters away from us, playing guitar, singing Human nature. It was beyond perfect, beyond fantastic. It was Madonna.
I've rarely been to huge happenings and concerts, especially standing so close to the stage. The music was loud, I felt my nostrils vibrating and my whole body shaking to the bass.
The most climatic moment in the show were Like a prayer, without a doubt. It was reworked to perfection, to overtake you with it's massive and almost aggressive sounds with references to almost every religion on earth playing on the screens behind her highness.
I'm not a huge fan of Hard candy, but the last song, Give it to me, was just as ecstatic as Like a prayer. I really don't know what to say about the whole experience, it was.. the high priestess of my life. All my worries before were swept away in an instant, the moment Madonna arrived to the stage.
Only few more weeks to go and she's here. Madonna in Finland is a concept I've been waiting since 1984 and that has seemed, at the same time, to be the most unrealistic wish. Well, I guess the joke's on me for (as up to this moment) the concert hasn't been canceled yet so it seems very likely that I shall be in the (almost) front row when her madgesty takes the stage. I am as excited as I am sort of.. not worried but.. What if she let's me down? After more than 2 decades worshiping her I'm worried. I've seen her live twice, I still think she kicks ass, big time. So why am I worried?
To me Madonna has always been the one showing me the light. When I realized I'm gay she was there, making "In bed with Madonna" surrounding herself with gays that to me were the first gay men shown as part of the posse, as something else than freaks that mainly in films ended up dead or "cured" (getting married, having kids). I loved the myths and legends spreading about her personal life. I chose to believe some, ignore some, just like she seemed to do. I loved the way she was always eager to push the buttons and annoy people, how she seemed to have a narrow path which she followed, the path to immortality. I was 14 when I saw her live in Gothenburg. It was Blond Ambition and it was beyond amazing (though the light summer night of Scandinavia didn't really do justice to the whole spectacle of her show). The second time I saw her in London in 2004, the best trip to London ever (I don't really like Britain).
Why I always loved her is mainly because she seemed to always be against the boundaries and norms, the borders she crossed just to see if they can be crossed. She was the one who talked about ageism the first time I heard about it when she turned 40. She seemed genuinely livid of the idea that a woman of certain age shouldn't be doing, saying or wearing certain things, clothes, ideas. When her American Life album was released and she was at TRL and someone in the audience asked whether she's a feminist she replied "No, I'm a humanist" and I was in love, again.
I don't see the kids and the adoptions as publicity stunts. Let's face it, if there's someone on the planet who knows how to get more attention that's her. I honestly don't think she'd use kids for that. I haven't seen Filth and wisdom yet but I shall. I have almost all of her films though rarely watch them (=never in some cases). Why she keeps making films is beyond me, actually. Not even for their (how should I say this nicely) lack of quality but for the simple reason that she's bound to get beyond bad reviews even before nobody ahs seen the film. Well, she gave me the answer in 2004 when asked this very question and replied that she just likes to mek movies and doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks. I mean you gotta respect that. I'm not judging her kabbalah connections. I simply give her the freedom to do what she sees best.
As a huge fan of plastic surgery, as someone who allows everyone to make their own decisions, I'm again puzzled. The rumors of Madonna and surgery have been always around, but now they seem to be more than true and that really annoys me. Why? I really don't know why. I'm just hoping she'd stop before turning into Cher. What's even more puzzling is actually why I am so upset about it. I mean obviously I'm annoyed because in some ways she betrayed my trust. She gave in to the demands and norms, she swallowed it.
I've dedicated too much of my life to let her go, to allow myself to make too much fun of her. I still hope she'd be her fabulous self in ten years, with the wrinkles and all.
After all this ranting I can finally get to my point; how can an idol, a popstar mean this much to me? It's like Robert Smith to my best friend. It's surprisingly difficult to see your profet betray you. Or Morrisey to another friend who had to leave the concert after few songs.
Nah, I'm optimistic. After all, she is Madonna. She won't let me down. She never has.
Why is it that I can't allow myself to just sit down and read? How come that feels like just lolling around, waste of time? Even if I read worthwhile books about things that interest me and could even open some new horizons for me. it's a disease of sorts, I guess.
I picked few books from the library the other day. One book is about the royal dresses of Sweden, Hovets dräkter. Seems interesting yes, at the same time more or less a book one can just flip through, check the pictures and glimpse the text. I mean it is a nice book, not just that.. readable to me. But what I see as a potential thing to do is to (finally) visit Livrustkammaren in Stockholm next Saturday. I've been meaning to go there for years and so far not such luck. Maybe this time. Unless NK sucks me into it's dark holes.. Never know.
(I'm not able to find a reasonable pic of the book.)
Another book I took is The Fashion System by Roland Barthes. No pics, just text. A book I might read all the way or just to a certain point and then skip. So far having flipped through the pages it gives me a rather.. amusing feel of the book. I do like the idea of "breaking the code" of fashion, creating formulas of fashion. Of course the book dates back to the late 60s so we'll see what comes with the gap in time.
And last but not least is The Corset by Valerie Steele. She's in many ways my idol. Though I hate that word. I'll get back on Steele and her books later.
Now I'm going to read a while, then off to the beach with some chicks.
I've been watching porn lately. Or not really porn but related matters. First I watched In the Realms of the Senses. Apparently it was a huge deal back in it's day (and some argue that it still is), obviously I see why. Needless to say I didn't really find it interesting or good, way too slow for my taste and I think it's safe to say that anyone born in the late 70s and later has been already so soaked with porn and sex that a "real and live" blow job in a film doesn't really strike anyone anymore as controversial. However, I did really love the film. It was beautifully photographed, the costumes and make-up were perfection. It was, in that sense, a very lovely film. I have to admit, though, that I didn't really watch it all the way to the end, it was just too dull. I knew how the film ends but one thing I didn't know was the fact that it's based on real incident in the olden times in Japan. And THAT'S fascinating. I'm always a sucker for real life drama turned into a flick. I despise violence in all it's forms but for some odd reason am drawn to stories like Sada Abe's.
Last night we watched a documentary about Deep Throat, a flick called Inside Deep Throat. I would like to see the actual film, just to see it, but at the same time I don't think it's crucial. But it was fascinating to watch and hear the story of the film, to see horror on people's faces when they talked about it and also wonder what the hell people were thinking. Harry Reems, the male lead in the film, faced charges of conspiracy to distribute obscenity across state line. Now that was just daft. To sue an actor in the film who was (according to the documentary) paid a meager 250 dollars forhis acting in the film and that's it. He didn't really have anything to do with distributing the film or anything but there was a thirst for blood to nail this sickening porn-wave that was sweeping the nation into it's demise. Since the director and the female lead were untouchable they went for the next possible prey. It was especially touching to see the interviews of Linda herself later on in her life. She was fired from two jobs once her past was acknowledged by her employers and she was harshly accused and ridiculed by the media and the public for being fully aware and doing everything voluntarily which apparently was not the case with her. She also said she felt raped and violated, not only by the movie watchers but also the feminists who were writing about her and of the porn industry. The use of her and her name as an example of the abusive nature of porn, she said, didn't profit her anymore financially then did the film itself.
It was an interesting film, I must say. But what got me all worked up was were the clips from the trial of Harry Reems. There were some comments by the prosecuter about the dangers of these types of film. It was dangerous for women to get the (wrong) idea of orgasm, that a clitoral orgasm was a non-existing and dangerous matter. I'm not a woman and in my life have nothing to do with female orgasms but to me that sounds even stupider than the prosecution of Harry Reems. We are talking about the mid 1970s here and to think that there was a discussion of the dangers of orgasms for women is a bit.. out there. But we must keep in mind that in those days homosexuality was still classified as a mental disorder. But how far have we actually come?
All in all, it's been very erotic for me in the past few days. And still, after watching these flicks, I didn't really get a kick from either of them. Yes, I did enjoy the visual world of Realm of.. as well as the style, music and stiff acting of Deep Throat but still.. I'd rather watch something else, like Staying Alive which we started last night but fell asleep rather soon. That young Travolta has quite a body in the flick..
I'm really into old tall ships (and this actually has nothing to do with the Tall Ships' Races about to hit Turku, I swear). Partly it may be for my insane and unnatural interest, affection and interest with sailors of the times gone by. The same theme has been very much on my mind with the clothes that I've started again to do and design, actually. Even Lahja Haapanen will get her share of faith, hope and love. I mean why wouldn't she?
I keep downloading images from the net, constantly. I love pictures in general and in some cases it's not enough that I have them on my laptop, I need to print them as well. That explains the huge quantity of paper I find lolling around my apartment from time to time. For some reason I've saved this image with the name sailor. I sort of see why but if I'm honest, not really.
In the same spirit I've saved the image from Cabaret to a folder "Sailing". So as you see, my definition of sailing and sailors can be a bit widespread. I do have images of the traditional type here, too. Like these two which I love.
One reoccurring theme in my life is jesus. And there is a link between sailors ans jesus. I've been using this same print for ages in my work and I still.. actually I'm a bit torn between actually still using it and just leaving it to the archives. This one is from 2005, I'd say.
Obviously I have a rather large collection of striped sweaters, t-shirts and pullovers, just for kicks. As well as rosaries, crucifixes and stuff. My all time fave item, though, is the black cap I had made for me in reindeer leather last summer. It's groovy and happening, yet fun and a very classic piece of clothing (or accessory), it also comes in white and cotton. And I started to through my pics and that was good.. So just for kicks posting some more of my own, older images here.
It's raining hard right now. I should be heading to town later today to take care of business, have coffee and talk about stuff. I should go with my bike. Not all that excited about that right now. Maybe it'll stop raining just before 11.
Hmm.. few things. I've been reading Stella lately and because sort of lacking in certain smart things to say I'm not commenting there to her but rather writing about stuff here on my turf.
I've never liked hippies either. Stella gave a description on those people worth a millon dollars (I'm really into America) and not trying to repeat it here. Yes, I agree.. hippies are just way too self conscious and I see them as relics of a time gone by, actually as nazis, not willing to accept any other way of living but their own which actually at the end of the day isn't really anything else beyond style and clothes. In short; a fashion. I'm not gonna open the whole wonderful yet complexed pandors box of my mind and opinions on fashion vs. anti-fashion (come on it's fashion dont be stupid) but I am going to celebrate the fact that I got my fave pair of shades fixed yesterday. They're sort of hippie, in a good way. I mean they're just round but they're big and black enough to fit my head and me and still there is the slight hippie-ish feel to them. I simply love them.
On a kinda related topic.. I was out last night with some mates and we talked about politics (I know, me and politics.. contradiction in terms) but what I actually found interesting was the comment from my friend, after hearing I'm on the left side of the political chessboard she automatically draw the conclusion that Russia mustn't be dissed in my presence for I might get offended. Who poorly can one know me? I mean anyone who's ever heard me say anything positive about Russia let him/her speak now or forever hold his/her peace. (No offense Russia.)
And as a footnote to Stella's earlier post; being depressed never made me feel smarter or I mean it never gave me any superior feeling to other people. I was just depressed. But I so understand what she's talking about. She's quite smart, actually. Wonder if she's depressed or just insane. Hmm..
I just love his clothes and style in this one. Also a groovy track, kliffa, even.
Yesterday and day before yesterday I've been working, helping a friend. He's building a stone.. wall (?) or fence to his yard. Now those are some big rocks we've been carrying and lifting, turning and placing. The fence looks really nice and I was strangely proud of myself helping. Not that helping a friend is something you should celebrate, I mean it's sort of given when it comes to friends and friendship, but I was proud of myself for I didn't collapse while doing it. I'm not that strong, really.
But what was strong was the alcohol I was offered. Another friend got a fun or "fun" booze roulette game. For some reason I won (or lost) the first 8 rounds ending up rather drunk. How I was ever allowed on a bike to go home is beyond me. I was in the same state as I was 2 years ago, trying for 30 minutes to undo my Doc Martens boots. Stella didn't allow me to go home on a bike. Anyway..
I chose to wear something appropriate for the occasion. First of all, trousers that are loose and sort of echo the hard, physical work. What else is there in that field besides Levi's denim, worn and torn, taking us back to the 19th century, rural America, cowboys and indians, moving rocks to find gold. And to enhance the all american feel (I'm really into America right now) I wore my old pair of crooked jeans with a sleeveless t-shirt.
While we were working we, obviously, listened to Michael Jackson and discussed his life, death and music.
Now, I was never a huge fan of Michael. Actually I was, when Bad came out in 1987 I had to buy it. But as a huge huge Madonna fan I felt like I was cheating on her so I had to give the album to a friend of mine. I know I know, but I was 11 at the time and let's be honest, kids aren't really that smart. But as I said on May 22nd I'm still loving his look and style in the 80s. O so very inspirational.
After commenting Anna I was forced to do something about my blog..
I've always been sort of into shirts and sweaters with a print. As a youngster I (obviously) had a bunch of Madonna shirts. I wore them til the bitter end though I still have them all folded neatly. I get sort of irritated seeing Clash t-shirts (par example) at H&M, as well as Che Guevara paraded in front of my eyes on people who don't really strike me as devoted fans or even "with it" when it comes to knowing who Che was (not that I was any wiser in that case, hence not having his face on my chest).
Now, as I said to Anna I can't really see myself wearing a t-shirt that's promoting a band I don't listen to or even like. Therefore MY t-shirt celebrates Nina Hagen. This shirt was bought on ebay few years back, and though I wasn't at any of the concerts listed on the back of the shirt and got it just to satisfy my thirst for a band t-shirt.
Another great thing are the fake designer things. My absolute fave being Chanel, what else. I found this t-shirt at UFF around (gosh..) 1991. It cost 5 marks, less than 1 € and is still with me. Not worn, but sometimes just admired and tried on. The scarf is from some flea market in Helsinki offering cheap thrills and cotton candy.
My big thing is my linen kaftan. I love it. And have a strange yearning to wear wooden things with it. I'm very big on anything Jesus and sort of do see this rosary as the perfectly fitting, small detail adding to the hippieish feel (so sorry Stella, but trust you me, it's just a little affection, I'm not turning into one, god forbid) but also saw some rather nice wooden necklaces at Indiska today. But is that going too far? What if I try to balance things out with these sunglasses I got from Hilja Maria few years back. I love them, they're fab.
Not really related to anything, but this song has been playing in my head.
It was hot today, a very nice day. I had to work. But then again I'm totally and utterly broke so one needs to work. I cut my last credit cards today (not that they were working or anything, I still had them) and feel restless and annoyed with my chronic poverty. Hopefully someday it will be subsided with a decent income and a peaceful mind.
Somehow "You know me better" has slipped and I just now found it on the tube. What a marvellous track and fabulous video. All hail Róisín Murphy. She's all about fashion. In a good way. But then again can one be all about fashion in any other way? No, not really. And me about fashion? I realized I haven't said anything about fashion or my clothes or style in a decade. I think it's about bloody time. So, tomorrow morning, early, I shall come up with 5 interesting (?) fashion / my own wardrobe related topics and post them here. And then I shall talk to you all about God.
Oh and this one too.. I'm like so behind with everything. I thought about posting "So young" by Suede but let's not go too far back, let's stay in this moment (about) and look bravely into the future.
We're seriously thinking of buying the car we saw yesterday. It shall cost somewhere around 2500 - 3000 € to fix the interior and I'm guessing about the same price to get the old paint stripped, rust and shit removed and taken care of and to get it repainted. I'm at a haze and believe it's worth every penny. Or cent. I'm loving the idea. Ok, also a bit tipsy which might cloud my judgement.
Anyway, it's all in the making, I'll keep you posted.
The concept of "friendship" and "friends" has been buzzing my mind a lot lately. I'd like to share my thoughts on that with. Someday, not today. But I'll post a song that's fitting to my mood and feelings about friends and friendship.
